


iscariot

by byakugo



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Last Kiss, M/M, that bitch soo-won is gay af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byakugo/pseuds/byakugo
Summary: But tell me, are you even aware? That all that we did, you undo.The story of Soo-Won, Hak, and one last kiss.
Relationships: Son Hak/Soo-Won
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12
Collections: AkayonaWeek





	iscariot

**Author's Note:**

> Written for AkaYona Week 2021 — Kisses
> 
> I suppose everyone's getting fed a bunch of HakYona for today's prompt so I may as well do something different ;)
> 
> Really wanted to write a character study of Soo-Won, my favorite character in the manga, and what he must've felt right before the big betrayal. I personally think it's not explored enough. Also, him having romantic feelings for his best bro adds a little spice — and it's probably not as headcanon as one might think...

A sparring session in the meadow under a hot sun probably hadn’t been the best of ideas — they’d set out from the castle early that morning, counting on the late summer’s kind tendencies to be lenient with its heat. They’d sparred for what seemed like hours and yet by midmorning it had become so hot that their robes clung to their skin and breathing felt like swallowing fire.

Slumping down in the green grass, Soo-Won had called a temporary truce, and both boys abandoned their weapons to the side. The sun beat down mercilessly on Soo-Won’s forehead, beads of sweat plastering long blonde bangs onto his face. There was no tree or bush in sight to provide for shade, so he had to make do with shedding his outer robe and draping it over his head.

Taking a swig from his flask, Hak squatted next to his friend and sucked air through his nose. “You look about ready to keel over from asphyxiation, Lord Soo-Won,” he teased, a little breathlessly, but truth be told both of their lungs were ready to collapse from lack of oxygen.

The young lord relished the first slow, deliberate gasps of air before fixing a sly gaze on the other man. “I don’t know, Hak — you seemed like you were going to die back there. I was only being merciful.”

“As if,” Hak retorted, punching Soo-Won lightly in the shoulder. “Look at _you._ Towards the end you could barely wrap your fingers around your weapon.”

Soo-Won’s hands _did_ ache from gripping his guandao for hours; his nails were slightly dirty and his slim fingers were stinging from new calluses — Soo-Won glanced down at his palms for a moment, realizing that he’d forgotten to wear gloves.

“Can’t be helped,” Soo-Won shrugged, his gaze shifting furtively to Hak’s large, roughened hands.

Soo-Won let himself fall back onto the tender grass, and when he closed his eyes he could smell the faint scent of sweet, fading dew. He could sense their conversation lulling and Hak slumping down somewhere next to him and so said nothing. He cherished these peaceful, muted stretches of time that sometimes followed their long, fulfilling practice sessions; they gave him time to reflect, on the seldom occasion when neither felt the urge to exchange the usual banter.

Soo-Won threw his robe over his face to block out the early noon glare, taking the opportunity to steal a peek at his friend, who was now sitting silently on his haunches. Either Hak seemed more solemn and wistful nowadays or Soo-Won was just spending too much time looking at him and wondering.

“You’re quiet today. What are you thinking about?” he asked, trying to coax the other into conversation.

The dark-haired man quirked an eyebrow at the sudden question, but lay down a few feet away from Soo-Won with his head resting on his arms. “Nothing, really. You’re sure nosy today.”

“Why? Is it so wrong for a friend to be curious about another friend’s wellbeing? Come on, it’s good to talk about one’s feelings.”

A smirk curled at Hak’s lips. “Heh. Seems like _you’re_ the one who wants to vent, Lord Soo-Won.”

“And would you mind if I did?” The young lord could afford to play along… as long as he acted accordingly. He hoisted himself up, then scooted closer in the grass and pulled in his knees, resting his chin on them. Turquoise eyes shifted to dark blue for a second, and a smile flickered on Soo-Won’s face when he saw Hak already gazing up at him patiently.

“Hak.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’ve…” Soo-Won swallowed. Everything had become extremely quiet and he was now aware of the beads of sweat trailing down his neck. Without the bustle of palace servants in the courtyard or the melodies of the palace garden’s songbirds to fill the space between them, _confiding_ in Hak had suddenly become much too easy. He almost wished they were still sparring, or that this was only just playful teasing.

Hak rolled over, propping himself on his forearm with a curious eyebrow raised. “What is it? Why so solemn all of a sudden?”

It’d always impressed Soo-Won how quickly Hak was able to pick up on things. Weren’t they just enjoying themselves and joking around while working up a nice sweat half-an-hour ago? “I… you know about Yona, right?”

At that, Hak’s lips straightened in a tight, unreadable line. “Don’t know how clueless you are about romance, Lord Soo-Won, but at least I know you’re not dumb enough to not recognize it.”

“Y-yeah.” A soft breeze sweeping down from the gray mountains picked up and whistled through the meadow, and Soo-Won was glad for it. Was it right that they were talking about this now? This wasn’t the direction he’d wanted their conversation to go, and yet something inside still urged him.

Love was a delicate subject to Soo-Won, and he had to be careful about it — especially with Hak. He didn’t know when it’d become this way or for how long, but it bothered him more than he would like.

 _Tread carefully._ “And what about you? Can’t _you_ recognize it?”

Hak grunted, in that way that indicated the question was more uncomfortably candid than he preferred. “Do you know what you’re asking?”

_“Hak.”_

The man huffed, exasperated. He sat up and propped up his knee, blue eyes wandering to study the scuff on his boot. “Look, we both know how she feels. And how _I_ feel. But I’ve made my peace with it.”

“But doesn’t it make you unhappy, yearning for something you know you can’t have?”

“It’s just like I said, Lord Soo-Won. I’ve made my peace.” The smile Hak gave Soo-Won almost took his breath away. “Didn’t I say you’re the only king I’d ever choose to serve?”

Soo-Won stilled. How was he supposed to answer that? There was something in the way Hak was so earnest, so utterly _clueless_ that made Soo-Won’s stomach twist into bitter, conflicted knots. Of _course_ he could say something like that out loud. He wasn’t aware of the winds of change sweeping throughout the kingdom, nor how his words burned themselves onto Soo-Won’s heart like a firebrand.

He wasn’t aware of how painful it was to carry a love like this.

There were so many things Soo-Won wanted to tell him. He wanted to be honest and candid, with no cryptic responses or unanswered questions — but he knew if he told Hak the truth he would surely lose him, and he feared that more than losing the throne.

_It’s frustrating. Even though we’re so close, I feel like I can’t reach you at all. You are my goal._

The realization was sudden, with a clarity shimmering like a teardrop refracting sunlight. “Everything has changed, hasn’t it.” He felt as though they were separated by a gulf — Hak and Yona in their perfect, static world, and Soo-Won, standing alone underneath the shadow of his duty.

_Idiot. If you’re going to reach for something, reach for the heavens!_

Hak seemed to ponder it for a moment, and Soo-Won watched as the corners of his mouth straightened in a thoughtful line. He expected Hak to deny it, to say that he was wrong and that he was being stupid again. But instead Hak shook his head, smiling tenderly as he turned to look at him.

“You’re right.”

One smile — one smile is all it took for Soo-Won’s carefully painted mask to crack at the seams.

“And it’s just no good anymore. We can’t carry on like this, Soo-Won.”

Hak was right. To maintain the act as brothers, as equals, as _friends_ — it just wasn’t possible anymore, at least not for him. There was nothing left but the throne; and he wasn’t about to let himself hope that he could ever have Hak, that Hak could ever love him back, that this burning desire to be his one and only was anything but foolishness. Soo-Won had sworn off yearning the day he made his choice, and this wasn’t a line he was about to cross.

He hadn’t realized he was staring at the ground until he felt warm air brushing his bangs. When Soo-Won lifted up his head, Hak was leaning over him, those dark blue eyes gazing at him intently. How he wished to get lost in them forever, in a canvas of midnight. Every time Hak looked at him like _that_ he wondered if Hak felt the exact same way.

“Kiss me once. To remind me.”

Hak’s mouth twitched, as if forming into a smirk, but something in his expression changed and the curve in his lips stayed in that confused, concerned line. “Kiss you...” His eyes widened infinitesimally as the full meaning of those words sunk in, becoming clearer and heavier with each passing second.

Hands grasped at the cloth of Hak’s sleeve, pulling the fabric taut against his shoulder. “If you don’t,” Soo-Won gulped, voice hard and yet trembling, “I don’t think I’ll be able to… to…” Even now it was hard for him to face his friend squarely; he could feel the last of his nerve draining away, until all that was left was the fragile, vulnerable, _weak_ part of himself that he despised.

He let go of Hak’s robe, brushing a hand to smooth down the crumpled fabric, but the sudden warmth of Hak’s calloused, steady hand clasped his wrist before he could let go. Soo-Won froze, startled, trying not to melt into the touch.

“Your hands are smaller. And soft,” Hak mused as if that had to do with anything, sunlight gleaming into his eyes and making his gaze seem tender, dreamy. He brushed his fingers across the heel of Soo-Won’s palm, then upwards to intertwine their fingers.

“Can’t be helped.”

A semblance of a sigh escaped Hak’s lips. “You know I’d do anything for you, right?”

Soo-Won did know. And that was the problem.

Hak leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, their hair mingling. He peered at him through dark lidded eyes, and before Soo-Won could crumble underneath his gaze he buried himself in the crook between Hak’s neck and shoulder. For a moment he let that vulnerable part take over, the part deep inside that knew he would regret everything, that his future will mean nothing at all because the space on the right side of his throne would be empty. “Soo-Won… um…”

If he were younger, if they were only just boys, Soo-Won would’ve smirked and bitten Hak’s shoulder playfully. But things have changed now, and it would be cruel to keep pretending that they haven’t.

Soo-Won glanced up, brushing a trembling hand across Hak’s jaw. “Will you…?”

Hak covered his hand upon Soo-Won’s and leaned in. Every part of Soo-Won burned.

“You’re still my goal,” Soo-Won whispered into the minimal space between their mouths, breath rushing warm and moist over the other’s lips. As if in reply, Hak hummed and tilted his head to deepen the kiss, and it was all Soo-Won could do to stop himself from weeping.

“Didn’t I tell you,” Hak breathed, a hand moving to brush a stray lock of blonde hair away from Soo-Won’s parted mouth, “Didn’t I tell you to reach for the heavens?”

Soo-Won pulled themselves apart, heartbeat erratic, turquoise eyes misty. Hak ran a comforting finger across his cheek, and Soo-Won could feel his heart shatter, his chest cave in. This probably was just part of a duty to Hak — he did not solace him as his most precious friend, his sworn brother, his only one. Hak would always see him as his king.

They came together again without another thought. The kiss was a pledge, a promise, a dream.

But to Soo-Won, he was only saying goodbye.


End file.
